Today I heard about 3 deaths, its never a”nice” thought and although neither of the three people are in my immediate oikos, I still got to thinking about life and its transient nature as one does.
The one guy who passed away was also on Twitter and I took a look at his profile and recent tweets, saying things like “what to have for lunch” etc One minute he was here wondering what to eat, the next he was gone.
Perhaps this line of thinking is not very unfamiliar for those who are faced with death, I have been here before, feeling introspective, but how can one stay engaged in feeling more “in touch” with reality, with what’s really important?!
What is really important? Seems a simple question, but if you really think about it, perhaps the answer is not that simple. Are you focused on what’s really important to you and those you love or do all the trivial things in life consume all your time?Are there things you still want to do and say, things you procrastinate because you feel invincible because lets face it, we do.
What if your life is taken from you unexpectedly, what legacy will you leave behind? Is your striving for more money and more power really important, or will you be remembered more for taking the time to really take interest and invest in someone’s life, to lend a hand to give a smile.
Yes, sounds soppy, very “Chicken Soup For The Soul”, but I don’t really care if its soppy ’cause I think its true and as much as I will probably forget how I feel right now in a weeks time as I bitch about being cut off by a taxi driver, if anything today I am aware of what’s important.
I will try hold onto this feeling, within reason and I hope if anything you will too, even if just for today - love those you love, smell the flowers, admire the sunset, smile at a stranger, be kind - life is short, make sure you are living and not just existing.
This has to be one of my all time favourite movie quotes from ‘Meet Joe Black’ on love. I think this is what everyone should experience, don’t settle, perhaps I am a hopeless romantic, but I believe lightning can strike.
“I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy. Or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it’s a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Stay open. Who knows? lightning could strike.”
“And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually” Jimi Hendrix
Looking back there have been times in my life when I have wanted something so badly, and didn’t get what I wanted, frustrated, disillusioned one goes on wondering why your prayers were never answered, why once again you are left wanting.
I recently met up with someone who was this very thing to me, someone I thought was so right for me, but now almost 7 years later, sitting across from them for the first time I had that light bulb moment. I could see how completely wrong this person would have been for who I am now, and in that moment all the what could have been, all the questions, the doubt and sandcastles that I had built in my mind fell away.
I got to thinking after this meeting that even though we may want something with every fibre of our being, sometimes what we want is not what we need. Perhaps it is a completely optimistic cliche, but maybe doors really do close for a reason, allowing us to walk through those we are meant to. One of my favourite bible verses goes as follows; “Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me.” So we don’t always see the bigger picture, or realise who and where we will be in 5, 10 or even 15 years, but I hope the lesson I have learnt is to trust that sometimes things really do happen for a reason, to make peace with that and look forward to that which awaits.
Okay so for those who know me well, they will tell you that I can put most guys to shame when it comes to drinking tequila, like I have the constitution of an Irish pub owner. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means the type to be found drinking gin alone in my bathrobe, in fact I never drink alone period. Lately however I have been questioning the merit of drinking at all, so have been weighing up the merits and investigating alternatives.
So the cons of drinking:
- It’s fattening, the calories abound!
- You end up doing silly things when your inhibitions go out the window and end up regretting things the morning after the night before.
- There is the obvious damage to your health, liver etc. Even if its only small quantities over a long period of time I’m sure it starts to add up.
- You generally feel pretty bleak after a “big one”, if that’s not an indication of the damage you are causing then I don’t know what is.
- Its an expensive “hobby”, ok this one is a stretch, but it literally is money that you are “Pissing” away, excuse me for being crass.
The pros of drinking:
- Its sociable, and it’s a generally accepted societal norm – the social lubricant of the masses.
- You generally have a blast when you have “had a few”, everyone loves you and you love everyone – for that time period.
- There is the question of wine, lets be honest, a great wine at dinner is awesome!
So do the pros outweigh the cons? This is what I am trying to decide. A lifestyle alternative I have been looking into lately is that of a lifestyle known as ‘Straight Edge’. Straight Edge began in the early 80’s, the philosophy spanning and then diversifying from a song by the band Minor Threat. The basic tenet of the philosophy centered on the issue of self-control. Straight Edge is abstinence from all narcotics – alcohol, tobacco, drugs and in the most extreme cases promiscuous sexual encounters. Straight Edge is generally practiced by the more hardcore punk subculture. The letter X is the most known symbol of straight edge community and is generally worn as a marking or tattoo on the back of one or both hands, though is often displayed on other body parts as well. Herewith an excerpt from Wikipedia; “Some followers are known as “hardcore kids” referring to the hardcore and punk music scene in which straight edge is prevalent. Some followers of straight edge have also incorporated the symbol into clothing and pins. According to a series of interviews by journalist Michael Azerrad, the straight edge “X” can be traced to the Teen Idles’ brief U.S. West Coast tour in 1980.[2] The Teen Idles were scheduled to play at San Francisco’s Mabuhay Gardens, but when the band arrived, club management discovered that the entire band was under the legal drinking age and therefore should be denied entry to the club. As a compromise, management marked each of the Idles’ hands with a large black “X” as a warning to the club’s staff not to serve alcohol to the band. Upon returning to Washington, D.C., the band suggested this same system to local clubs as a means to allow teenagers in to see musical performances without being served alcohol. The mark soon became associated with the straight edge lifestyle. In recent years, more music venues and (even dance clubs) have began adopting this system.
A variation involving a trio of X’s (xXx) originated in artwork created by Minor Threat’s drummer, Jeff Nelson, in which he replaced the three stars in the band’s hometown Washington, DC flag with X’s.[3] The term is sometimes abbreviated by including an X with the abbreviation of the term “straight edge” to give “sXe”. By analogy, hardcore punk is sometimes abbreviated to “hXc”. The X symbol can be used as a way to signify a band or person is straight edge, by adding the letter to the front and back, for example, the band ‘xFilesx’. “
So my question is this, is following a straight edge lifestyle a little too extreme? Should one go as far as to get some ink as a symbol of your commitment? Am I ready to become Straight Edge, or will I miss the allure of a glass of full-bodied red wine?
I have not written a blog post in FOREVER! Thought it was about time for me to get my A into G and do so. So herewith a few random rants about my so called life at the moment.
Lets start with Lent in May, I recently have undergone some changes in my personal life, that sounds suspect like I recently underwent a sex change, which is not the case, lets just call it relationship re-evaluation and in doing so this process involves the “fasting” of a certain someone. Why is it the minute you are not allowed something it makes you want it all that much more. Love is a complicated beast, beautiful and at times so painful. One of my favourite poets Khalil Gibran says it best, ” But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” Another very well known one, “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” So at the moment I am working on achieving the perfect balance when it comes to matters of the heart - no easy feat - letting people go hurts.
On that note… in other news… I recently watched the movie Blindness an adaptation of the novel by the Nobel laureate Jose Saramango, in which human civilization is threatened by a sudden and virulent outbreak of metaphor, as people go about their daily lives they start losing their sight. To say its not a feel-good movie is a complete understatement with very graphic and disturbing scenes par for the course. What I can say is that Blindness was a true reality check of our ability as humans to regress to very primal animal-like behaviour and how we naturally arrange ourselves into hierarchies. Another lesson was to appreciate the so called “simple” things in life, water, food, being able to see a blue sky, the smile of another - we take so much for granted and Blindness was a true reality check, even if only for that evening.
Lastly a friend of mine was telling me about this beaded pig (the type that they sell along many main roads) he has. He spoke of it so fondly, with such affection and while most would think him a little odd it got me thinking that as humans we have this innate need to connect with something, someone, just as Tom Hanks did in Cast Away with “Wilson” his ball. I suggested he gets a pet, a real live one which he laughed at, but bottom line we all need to love and be loved I think its part of our genetic makeup. So I’ll leave you with this - reach out to someone today in love and its quite likely you will find love being returned.
So I was chatting to a friend the other day and the topic of what we found attractive in the opposite sex arose – our completely different taste in partners got me thinking about why we are attracted to the people we are. So I decided to do some research into the topic (as people do) and herewith my findings, aka The Laws of Attraction according to me.
• It has been said that we tend to find ourselves being attracted to people who share similar physical traits to ourselves. After giving this theory some thought, I have come to the conclusion that as people we must be pretty self-obsessed beings if this is the case. Fact or fiction its still worth some thought.
• Beauty is apparently in the eye of the beholder, however psychologists agree that physical appearance affects the level of attraction between two people. There could be a number of reasons for this – well it’s a no-brainer really – beautiful things are great to look at, beautiful is extra-ordinary and who wants average. We all want to be associated with those who are seemingly “special”, being surrounded with physically attractive people appears to improve our social standing and in a society dominated by appearance you don’t want to be the fat kid who never gets picked for the team.
• Then there are apparently primal reasons one is attracted to the people you are – biological reasons. Beautiful women, specifically healthy looking with good skin, glowing cheeks and red lips (just stating what I read) are seen to be traits associated with youth and fertility. Women on the other hand are attracted to men who come across as strong, manly and able to protect and defend – seems pretty caveman like if you ask me.
• Research has also found that women look for men who are humorous which perhaps shows their willingness to share resources. Men look for attractiveness which would show fertility and according to the halo effect would also perhaps make men believe that they are more likely to be faithful in the long term.
• The closer two people live to each other the more likely it is for them to like one another. Research has shown that the best single predictor of whether two people are friends is how far apart they live. So a determining factor on liking someone is apparently proximity, or at least the likelihood for your relationship to succeed, not a hard and fast rule, but pretty logical. Dating someone you never see = pen pal, not relationship.
• One of the major reasons proximity creates liking is that it increases familiarity. Generally speaking, the more a person interacts with another person, the more attraction builds between them.
• Similarity is apparently another key determining factor in us picking mates. Its not to say that photographers will only marry photographers, but it does increase the chances that if you like to dress in goth and listen to Rage Against The Machine, that you would be attracted to someone who shares your taste in music and fashion. Statistics show that people who pair off do so according to similarities in race, age, religion, education, physical characteristics, and other general characteristics.
Liking someone has been defined as positively evaluating another’s traits. So perhaps that’s all it is, seeing the positive in someone, the initial halo affect that mother nature has instilled in us to ensure our survival. In the start of a relationship everyone puts their best foot forward, but as time marches on and comfort sets in you begin to show your true colours.
Wouldn’t it be marvelous if everyone could just be themselves 100% upfront in the beginning, no fronts, just let it all hang out… On second thoughts, maybe not I fear the human race may just be in danger if we all start doing that…
Ok, when it comes to actually posting to my blog I am severely failing!!! I however made a commitment to post before the week is up, no time like the present so here it goes…
How original of me I know, but herewith my “7 things you didn’t know about me”…
I started a Christian youth magazine by the name of Truth when I was 19. I was the editor of said magazine for 4.5 years, I loved it, sadly though it ceased to exist shortly after I left.
I was an air hostess for Emirates airlines for just over a year, I lived in Dubai and became quite well acquainted with how best to tell people to get knotted with a smile on my face. It was an amazing experience, I got to see the world and learnt a lot about myself and what it means to truly serve people in the process. I can also speak a smidgen of Arabic as a result, just a smidgen though ☺
I love cartoons, animations etc… I have numerous figurines in my possession, some of which include a “talking” Darth Vader, Stewie from the Family Guy, Elmo, Gromit, Wonder Woman… Ok I will stop now before I completely blow any semblance of “cool factor” I still have left ☺
I am a qualified make-up artist. I love make-up, like most women and find great pleasure in applying it – its my creative outlet, well one of them.
I love music, love, love, guess with a name like mine you have to. I played guitar for a while, but am keen to learn to play bass guitar and drums even – If I could play every instrument I would be a happy woman – and no I cannot sing, well I can sing, but I do not consider myself a good singer by any means – I feel the need to say this upfront as EVERYONE I ever meet asks me this question.
I never touched coffee, my whole life, up until about a year ago, I am now a full blown addict and have at least 3 cups a day and the guys at Vida café know me by name. I clearly am an all or nothing girl.
I was a ballet, tap and modern dancer from the age of 5 till after matric. I love dancing, once a dancer always a dancer. I have since given up dancing, other than my weekly hip hop class and have replaced dance classes with gym my other love in life. If I don’t go to gym at least 4 times a week I cannot function!
So there, I trust you feel somewhat better acquainted with me now ☺ I am meant to tag people – so there – tag you’re it:
So I was watching Oprah the other day when forced to the confines of my couch and daytime television due to some unidentified bug I had picked up, sidebar I feel a great deal of pain for every housewife in this country who is subjected to daytime TV – I fear your IQ is reduced by 10 points for every hour you are subjected to the drivel, sadly daytime TV is like driving past an accident, you don’t want to look, but just cant help yourself. I must admit I kind of enjoy Oprah, I’m a big softie and am clearly a sucker for her emotional, stereotypically American gimmicks – the latest of which was a series called ‘The Big Give’ which she ran. Now the gist of the show is that contestants run around the country with money to see who can out give the other and in return they receive 1 million dollars, but that’s the surprise, they have no clue.
Point is it got me thinking, do we really give enough? I have this thing I do where I keep a bag of apples in my car for all the homeless guys, which sadly are on every corner and in all honesty I take issue with giving them cash ‘cause who knows what they do with it, besides an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But is that really enough? Do you even notice the homeless guys anymore, are you even aware of the pain that exists around us, have we become so desensitized that our own reality, is the only reality that even matters to us anymore?
I live in Sandton and a stone’s throw away from this place called Tasha’s – its awesome, they have amazing food and the service is pretty good too, but each weekend, Sandton’s finest clamor for a table, to see and be seen, strutting their big rimmed sunglasses and fake tans. I cant help but wonder if people bother to look past their current realities, look at the bigger picture, realize that not having the latest SLK and Ed Hardy gear does not really matter in the grand scheme of things. Yea, I’m as guilty as the next at being self-absorbed, but especially because it is the “season”, I challenge you to open yourself up to realities beyond your own, to see the needs around us with fresh eyes and perhaps then the exoskeleton that has formed around our hearts will begin to crack and we can begin to experience that human emotion so many of us had long forgotten – compassion.
So I have been pondering over the last few days about relationships - how original of me. Anyhow my main thought has been whether its possible to be happy with the same one person for your whole life? One of my close friends recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. Now they had a great relationship it started off great, but ended in a very teary phone call, so what went wrong? Why does it seem that relationships, no matter how well they start out, just seem to be doomed?! Everything starts out all butterflies and roses, you have eyes for no-one else and then before you know it, you cant stand how loudly they chew their apple and if they sing along to one more song on the radio with the wrong lyrics, you might just wind up on some crime investigation show. In general I have major doubts when it comes to relationships, specifically marriage and its longevity.
Now I have had my fair share of screw-ups, you live and learn, but when I look around me at the relationships of my close friends and acquaintances I have yet to find a couple I think really has “it’. Is this just due to poor partner choice? My best friend and I have this inside joke, where we call “the one” our lobster. So do people just give up too quickly in the search for their lobster, and settle, or is there really no one person for us out there, but just a whole host of choices that would suit? If the latter is the case then someone should sue Hollywood for leading us all to believe that we all have a perfect soul mate out there, just waiting to “complete us”. Im just not sure whether its the institution of marriage that is flawed or are we as the human race more screwed up than ever?! I’m not sure what the divorce statistics are these days, Im actually too afraid to even do the research, as cynical as I am I think deep down I want to be able to believe that marriage can and does still work. Actually scrap that, I don’t want it to just work, I want it to be great! I know relationships take work - so is the lack of successful relationships just due to us as a society being darn right lazy?!
I have this fear that marriage ruins everything, that people stop trying so hard, that complacency takes residence, women get fat and stop wearing makeup and men stop buying you flowers and start buying golf memberships. In all honesty i think I would rather be alone than end up in a sub-standard marriage, I would rather be dinner for one, than dinner for two when they sit across from each other in a restaurant and stare into the distance, saying nothing. I want to be that old couple holding hands, I want rose petals and surprises, I want to be able to look at my partner and know that I would rather be there with them than anywhere else, yes it will take work, yes perhaps its really idealistic, but I don’t care and I wont settle - I want the lobster, not the crayfish.
Today I heard about 3 deaths, its never a”nice” thought and although neither of the three people are in my immediate oikos, I still got to thinking about life and its transient nature as one does.
So I was chatting to a friend the other day and the topic of what we found attractive in the opposite sex arose – our completely different taste in partners got me thinking about why we are attracted to the people we are. So I decided to do some research into the topic (as people do) and herewith my findings, aka The Laws of Attraction according to me.
Ok, when it comes to actually posting to my blog I am severely failing!!! I however made a commitment to post before the week is up, no time like the present so here it goes…
So I have been pondering over the last few days about relationships - how original of me. Anyhow my main thought has been whether its possible to be happy with the same one person for your whole life? One of my close friends recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. Now they had a great relationship it started off great, but ended in a very teary phone call, so what went wrong? Why does it seem that relationships, no matter how well they start out, just seem to be doomed?! Everything starts out all butterflies and roses, you have eyes for no-one else and then before you know it, you cant stand how loudly they chew their apple and if they sing along to one more song on the radio with the wrong lyrics, you might just wind up on some crime investigation show. In general I have major doubts when it comes to relationships, specifically marriage and its longevity.